Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Understanding Vulnerability
I left class early to stand up for a cause i believed in, so I wasn't able to see the Ted talk that we watched in class. I can talk about being vulnerable though. I suck at it. I'm horrible and I most definitely don't have the the tools it takes to change that, so I work hard everyday to build that confidence. I found out that my grandmother died over this past break and it made me realize how much we take things for granted. I wasn't willing to put myself out there and experience "vulnerability" because of my fear of getting rejected...again. My grandmother was my biological father's mother and quite frankly the only connection I had with that side of my family. My father is serving a life sentence in prison. Right now I feel lost and alone. I don't really know what to do about it. I guess you could say that by sharing this information with you all, I'm being vulnerable. I've always been able to express my truest thoughts through words, but to say anything out loud...I couldn't do that because I don't want to appear weak. I just want to be strong for everyone and I tend to put my own feelings on the back burner. I'm learning how to balance myself and others, and learning that I should probably be putting myself first. I can't be the best I can be if I'm ranked last in my life. I yearn for the ability to be vulnerable, but my pride stands in the way. Maybe when I figure it out I won't feel like the walls are closing in. Maybe then I'll be free from my mind.
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Adrienne,
ReplyDeleteWe all look at vulnerability in a different light. However how I look at it is being able to be yourself regardless of what others and yourself think. I have seen you tackle the things that frighten you marvelously and with ease. Your poise and ability to encourage others to talk about whats hard and to try at the things that make them nervous are you being vulnerable. They are some of the things that I respect most about you.
Adrienne, I think it is incredibly hard to handle being vulnerable especially when it is a serious subject as your own family. When you were talking about how to appear strong and not wanting to appear weak, I identify with because no one wants to appear weak. But consider this, when you make yourself appear vulnerable people respect you more, and therefore your message gets across more effectively. Always try to put yourself out there no matter how vulnerable you may feel.
ReplyDeleteAdrienne,
ReplyDeleteYour willingness to share through your writing may just be the truest form of vilnerability. By allowing yourself to share in the way you feel most skilled, you are finding a different medium that allows you to express yourself authentically. I encourage you to allow others to share your burden, because as a servant leader its easy for you to be strong and move forward, but we all need support from time to time. People come to you because they respect your strength and convictions, and I know they'll accept you for your vulnerability as well. Use it as one of your many strengths. Praying for you and your family from this loss.
Adrienne,
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say I am truly sorry for your loss. I appreciate your honesty when self evaluating your vulnerability. I have also found it easier to express thoughts through word as opposed to verbally. Again, I am sorry for your loss but remember that we all are here for you!
-Kevin