Understanding Vulnerability

I left class early to stand up for a cause i believed in, so I wasn't able to see the Ted talk that we watched in class. I can talk about being vulnerable though. I suck at it. I'm horrible and I most definitely don't have the the tools it takes to change that, so I work hard everyday to build that confidence. I found out that my grandmother died over this past break and it made me realize how much we take things for granted. I wasn't willing to put myself out there and experience "vulnerability" because of my fear of getting rejected...again. My grandmother was my biological father's mother and quite frankly the only connection I had with that side of my family. My father is serving a life sentence in prison. Right now I feel lost and alone. I don't really know what to do about it. I guess you could say that by sharing this information with you all, I'm being vulnerable. I've always been able to express my truest thoughts through words, but to say anything out loud...I couldn't do that because I don't want to appear weak. I just want to be strong for everyone and I tend to put my own feelings on the back burner. I'm learning how to balance myself and others, and learning that I should probably be putting myself first. I can't be the best I can be if I'm ranked last in my life. I yearn for the ability to be vulnerable, but my pride stands in the way. Maybe when I figure it out I won't feel like the walls are closing in. Maybe then I'll be free from my mind.